


The Heart Remains

by Chiisanafukuro (makuro)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Other tags involving all the gay and random that floats into my head about these nerds, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 04:26:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10801668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makuro/pseuds/Chiisanafukuro
Summary: My first foray into fanfiction because for the last year these two idiots won't leave my head with their little scenes and nonsense. So I said screw it and now I'm posting. Constructive crit welcome!





	1. Cuddles and Buns

**Author's Note:**

> Alec puts up with reality TV

      Alec's main complaint about reality TV shows was how horrible everyone was to one another. The drama didn't suck him in quite like it did Magnus, but he resolutely put up with 'Shitty TV and Wine Night' mostly because he used it as an excuse to slowly worm his way across the whole damn couch and plunk his head in Magnus's lap. He maintained it was because he was bored, or that his brain was melting, that he squirmed himself into that position. Magnus was quietly smug and knew it was only because Alec wanted an excuse to cuddle and still didn't quite know how to just ask for what he needed.

 

     So when he finally got around to The Great British Bake Off on Netflix Magnus had anticipated Alec would treat it like he had all of the other shows - an excuse commandeer the couch and a good percentage of Magnus's available body space. He had not anticipated Alec actively paying attention. Or getting a favorite baker. Sitting up for the Show Stopper bits and biting at his thumb.

 

     They were midway through season two when Jace had barged in. Magnus nearly slammed the door in his face right there but Jace held up a very nice, very old bottle of whiskey with a cheeky grin. "Please? Until Clary doesn't want my balls nailed to a wall?"

     Magnus took the whiskey bottle and examined it. "You're going to need more than one bottle if we have to wait that long."

     "Ha. Ha. Very funny." Jace toed off his boots and shuffled his way to the living room where Alec was reclined with a glass of wine and promptly took Magnus's spot. He grimaced and when to put the bottle away. When he turned back around Jace was blathering on about whatever had pissed Clary off, but Alec was still trained on the TV. When Magnus had opened up the door the bakers had been near to wrapping up their Show Stoppers, crafting two different types of sweet buns. He moved to the arm of the couch, on Alec's opposite side and did his best to drown out Jace. He wasn't going to ask him to shut up, clearly he felt like he needed to talk this through with Alec, though it was mostly talking _at_ Alec. Shushing him wasn't really his place.

     "... and so I just you know, shrugged and-mmmphh!"

     Magnus turned to see Alec's hand slapped over his parabatai's mouth, eyes glued wide to the TV.

     "Shh! Something's wrong wtih Glenn's buns!"

     Magnus whipped his head to the TV, "No! Not Glenn!"

     "I know, I know," Alec said, scooting forward and totally ignoring Jace who was looking at Alec like he'd turned into an elapid demon.

     They watched until at last the call came down to Glenn or Howard, both letting out deep breaths and sinking against the couch when it was Howard that went.

     "I mean, I like Howard don't get me wrong but thank god," Alec breathed. "Glenn is too adorable."

     "Agreed, and Howard just missed so much on flavor despite skill, and Glenn just brain farted," Magnus agreed and took a long sip of the wine he'd abandoned. "I'm glad Ruby got star - oh! Look at Glenn! He's such a doll."

     "I know. _And_ Mary said scrummy. Twice." Alec giggled and Magnus pretended to swoon.

     "What," Jace started slowly, "the every loving fuck is wrong with you two?"

     Alec reached out and pushed at Jace's cheek until he was looking at the TV with them. "Hush. Just watch. It's very wholesome. Might fix your brain."

     "And your relationship," Magnus quipped.

 

     By the end of the pasty episode Jace was just as distraught over Glenn leaving as the other two.


	2. And I Will Follow Where This Takes Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus deals with Alec not dealing with things. (Title from Stone by Alessia Cara because that song is all sorts of feelings. S2A compliant/filler.)

 

 Street noise comes back over them as Alec lets silence reign. Magnus chews the inside of his cheek. This wasn't something he could fix, it wasn't even something Clary's forgiveness could fix, not that Magnus thought she wouldn't give it. He has to look away as Alec starts to pick at his hand again, blood smearing along his skin. "At least come inside?" He rasps, hoping that at least would get Alec to _stop_.

   It did. He nods and slides to a stand. Magnus resists the urge to grab him, to crowd him and fix his hand and hold this man until it fixed his heart. Instead he holds the door open and waits for Alec to slink inside, still cradling his right hand.

   The night ends with Alec passing out from exhaustion and Magnus healing Alec's hand. The text from Jace saying that Alec had ripped his hand raw with his bow kept repeating in Magnus's head as he carefully knits skin back together and wipes away crusted blood. He doesn't have the heart to text Jace and tell him the wounds weren't consistent with where Alec drew his bow.

 

   Magnus doesn't say anything when Alec shows up after the funeral, wrecked and tear stained. Magnus had seen the lights go up from the Institute where he'd lifted a glass to Jocelyn on his balcony. He knew Alec wouldn't be far behind.

   "Alexan-"

   "Don't." Alec chokes and stalks past Magnus, ripping off his white suit jacket and lets it fall on a nearby chair. "Do you know Iris Rouse?"

   "I... yes? Alexander are you-"

   "She's in New York, or was. It's who Clary went to for... well she was-was breeding warlocks with a demon in her basement and escaped. Thought you should know since you're," he waves his hands around. "High Warlock, and all."

   Magnus sees there are scabs on his right hand again. "Yes, thank you, Alec. I'll send out word for people to keep an eye out. Is that all you came for?" He didn't want it to come out harsh, but Alec is pacing like a wild animal. He's still in turmoil over it. When he'd accidentally spent the other night he'd bolted back to the institute before Magnus had even been up, only leaving a quickly scrawled note of 'thanks'.

   "I... Yes-no. I don't... can I just be here, for a while? I mean-"

   "Of course," Magnus says softly, fight leaving him. "I suspected you might come. Stay as long as you need to, Alexander." He draws near to rest a hand on Alec's arm, but Alec jerks back when he does. Magnus feels like his hand's been scorched even though he touched nothing.

   "Sorry," Alec rasps. "Magnus I'm sorry, I..." he half reaches for Magnus's hand and then drops back. "I don't feel..."

   "I know, Alexander." Magnus can't get Alec to look at him though, and he and he doesn't want to try touching him again. "I'll go make some tea." He snaps his fingers. "There's a change of clothes for you in the bathroom."

   The tea gets drunk in silence on opposite ends of the couch, Alec in sweats and a too big sweater, trying and failing to hide every time he picks at his hand from Magnus. Magnus finishes his tea and sets a mild sleeping potion on the coffee table.

   "If you need it," he says.

    There's another note waiting for him in the morning and Magnus clutches the empty tea mug so hard it shatters.

 

    No texts. No late night drop-by visits. No calls. Nothing.

   Magnus refuses to let Alec do this to himself.

   "I'm not okay, because you're not okay."

   Alec's back is a hard line of misery and perseverance so strong Magnus wonders if Alec would just set his jaw against an oncoming apocalypse and fight anyway. Like he didn't know better. Magnus realizes with devestating clarity that that's _exactly_ what's happening and tries to explain as much. 

   When Alec asks what Magnus has in mind he does his best not to actually sigh in relief-it's a close thing though. 

   The night isn't what Magnus had in mind, after the frankly stimulating game of pool, but it ends in a kiss, a sweet wonderful kiss that may have been repeated if not for Jace showing up. The blond's name had gotten changed to 'Cockblocking Fuck Boy' after Magnus shoved him into the guest room and Alec crowded in after to talk to his parabatai.

   They don't talk, he and Alec, but Magnus feels like it's gotten better. That Alec is starting to move forward, and it's enough. 

 

   He thought it was enough. He thought that after everything Alec had found forgiveness in himself.

   When everyone left to go deal with everything Magnus tried to get Alec to stay but he can't. The Rune ceremony is early in the morning and Alec wanted to make sure everyone was really okay. Magnus goes to protest but Alec presses a finger to his lips softly. 

   "I know, and I'll come over as soon as I can, Mags, I promise." He leans down and kisses Magnus solidly and all Magnus can do is hang on like Alec's going to tip backwards out of his arms into oblivion, not just walk out the door. 

   "Okay," he says against Alec's lips and tries not to lock the door and keep Alec here as he watches him go.

   He looks at the destruction his fight with Iris caused, thinks about the revelation Clary and Jace have made, and realizes that nothing hurts as much as Alec's body pliantly tipping backwards over the edge and--

   His magic screeches out of him in anguish. What's a little more cosmetic damage when this boy has wrecked his heart so bittersweetly. 

    _Oh, love, you foulest curse_ , he thinks as he sinks to the floor. 

 

   Alec comes over the day after the ceremony, looking better than Magnus anticipated, but he's learning to read through Alec the Protector down where the Alec who needs someone to take care of him is. He's learning about that Alec in the ways he lashes out and the way he comes back and makes it right. He sees it in the way Alec sinks into every touch and the way he gravitates to Magnus, the one person who has made him vulnerable from the start. 

   Alec's got his lips parted like he's going to say something, not just nod at Magnus's request. His heart is fluttering, anxious and ready to help when the door bursts open and whoever it is had better be _dying_  because if they aren't he's going to strip their skin off slowly. 

   He almost says as much until he sees Clary's hand. 

 

   Telling himself that Alec was scared for his sister and lashing out isn't working. Logically Magnus knows he didn't do anything wrong, but he wonders if Alec was right. If saying something about Izzy breaking up a Yin Fen ring would have sounded the alarms. He wonders if he shouldn't have called Raphael to confirm what was happening, to check in, because surely if Izzy had been looking into that Raphael would have known. If he'd done that he'd had detected something from that end. Or maybe--he stops himself. 

   Going back over it all doesn't change the fact that Alec is trapped in the Institute with Valentine. It doesn't change that the madman's plan could be through tonight and the last interaction with Alec was a bitter, bitter fight. It doesn't change the fact that Magnus already feels like his heart is being crushed in a vice, so who cares if Valentine succeeds? It's not like Magnus was going to get a happy ending anyway. 

   When he sees Simon though it's easy. It's so easy. He loves Alec, and even if Alec at this point never wants to see him again it doesn't matter. All that matters is that Alec makes it out _alive_. 

 

   And he does. They do. Their fight is gone and Alec is clinging to Magnus so tightly he isn't sure if his ribs have bruised but he doesn't give a shit because _Alec loves him_. 

    It takes hours to get the Institute halfway to sorted out. Exhaustion is clear on all of them though and Lydia orders them out for the next twelve hours.

   "This isn't over, and I need my best at their best. Go," she says. Alec shares a look with Jace who waves him on, his eyes kept firmly away from Magnus. Guilt is oozing off of him and for all the things that drive him crazy about Jace, Magnus wishes he could fix this for him. He can't imagine how Alec feels. 

   "Come on, Alexander," he says quietly. "You can't help him right now. Give it time. Twelve hours of sleep and recuperation. It'll be better for it." 

   "Okay," Alec says and moves his hand from Magnus's shoulder to his hand. He hasn't let go of Magnus since they reunited. 

   The loft is hallowed in it's silence when they arrive, stark compared to the rush of the Institute in the aftermath. They respect the quiet, undressing in silence and when they come together, bodies flush and desperate with confession, it's soft moans and quiet gasps. Magnus's thighs burn with each thrust. Alec's legs are locked tight around his hips, cock heavy between them in Magnus's hand. He comes with a startled cry, burying his face into Magnus's neck and holding tight. Magnus lets go and fucks him hard, biting Alec's shoulder, and he comes too with a harsh sob. When they've come down enough to move Alec goes to the bathroom and comes back with a washcloth to clean them both up. 

   "You _know_ I have magic for this, right?" Magnus tries to say it as a joke, a parody of that night all those months ago. His voice is raw though and it undermines the punchline. 

   Alec still smiles though and kisses Magnus's cheek. "Let me take care of you." He leans back to take the washcloth to the bathroom but Magnus catches his wrist and banishes the cloth with one movement. 

   "Only if you promise to let me take care of you, too," he says. He lets his glamour fall. It's a calculated move. He confessed to Alec, after their first night, that his eyes were a vulnerable thing for him. They were feared, coveted, desired--a host of things that helped him feel less like a man and more like a specimen. Alec had understood and never asked about them again, even after he'd shown them to Max. 

   Alec reaches up and drifts his thumb underneath Magnus's eye. "Okay."

   It isn't quite enough. Magnus grabs his wrist and brushes over Alec's pulse point. "I mean it, and I need you to too. Alexander the last day, hell the last _week_ , if we're going to.. I _love_ you, but I need to know that you're not bottling everything up just to let it build into something unbearable." 

   Alec sucks in a sharp breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them again the bright hazel is glassy and broken. "Okay. You too?"

   "Me too." Magnus kisses him and Alec wraps Magnus up in his arms. "I love you." 

   "I love you too. So much, Magnus." 

 

   Dawn isn't even close before Alec jerks up out of his sleep, trashing and screaming. It takes horrible, long minutes for Magnus to pull him out of the nightmare and assure him that he's alive, that he wasn't in the Institute and that they're home, in bed, _safe_. It takes a longer time for Alec to calm down, but he does with his ear pressed against Magnus's slow heartbeat. Then he talks. He talks until his voice is gone and Magnus listens and comforts as much as he can. 

   When Alec is peacefully asleep, Magnus drawing feather light patterns across his back and over rune scars, he thinks that what is here between him and Alec is more beautiful than any so called happy ending. 


End file.
